Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
