hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
