I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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