I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
