She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
