i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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