So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have fence marks all over my body
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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