ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
