i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
