the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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