You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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