Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
