Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
