i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
