just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
