I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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