turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dear god my vagina.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
