i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
