I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
