Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize