There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
