Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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