Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Did I show you my penis last night?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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