How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
a search helicopter?!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So much rum. So many feels.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
