He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
