I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
