just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
