In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
