If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize