wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
