So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize