It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
