just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
