I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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