I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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