Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
