"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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