I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
