i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
