he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
