strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
