Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bring me that man meat
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
