it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
