i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
