she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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