She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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