Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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