so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
God, I missed his penis.
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