I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
