Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
