Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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