I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
