I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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