Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
