wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
