Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
