GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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