is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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