it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
