i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
