Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
