So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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