i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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