She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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