Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
