just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
