I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
