even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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