Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
