North Korea, Best Korea!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
