This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
